Audry
A much loved member of our family has passed away…
She had always been there for us all to help us find our way.
She taught us what unconditional love was really all about…
She made us laugh and made us cry even when she decided she would pout.
She asked so very little of us all…that was just her way…
A bone…a treat…or just a love when we had been away.
When her Mom and Dad went to get her boy…she was very lost.
Had she been bad? Why did they go…what imaginary line had she crossed?
The old woman that they left her with couldn’t even throw the “stick”.
At the beach she looked for her Mom and Dad…she was literally so “home sick”.
Her house was where as it had always been but the ones she loved were gone…
She just felt so very awful as she laid there on the lawn.
Though she could not speak the words her mood was quite transparent…
Nana could fill her bowl but she was old sorely lacking, that was very very evident!
She had been there for them always in every way she could…
So on the front porch all alone she just watched and stood.
Surely they’d come back…and love her like before and as she waited she was sad…
On their return she would be the perfect dog and never make them mad!
The day then finally came and she heard the long awaited noise…
Her people had come back…and She could hear another…it was her little boy’s!
She was glad they found him in that place so far away…
She would be special friend so he would always want to stay!
The years since then past quickly and she knew she’d have to go…
She was getting old and she shivered from the pain and cold!!
If she could talk she’d tell them how much she loved them all…
She’d tell them how she’d miss them when death made it’s final call.
She’d tell them that Anna was waiting for her there so she would’nt be alone
And she’d watch over all of them…until they each came home!
In loving memory of our darling “Audry Bear”
Love,
Nana
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Miss A Lou
Our family dog died last night. She and Maks were great friends and always took care of each other when one was sick. Audry (also known as Miss A Lou, Bear, Beardoll, Pakipsie, Loulou, Sweet Lou, Tiny Lou, TipTop, TipTopTiny, Audry Bear, Sweet Bear, Tiny Bear) was doing really bad for the last couple of months her heart was failing and so she couldn't breathe or walk or go potty. Sunday night we knew it was time but we had to wait for a vet to make a house call. Audry hates going to the vet so we didn't want to put her through that trauma. Boy were those last days hard on all of us. But lucky for Bear, the weather was beautiful and she had some peaceful moments. She snuggled us all morning on Tuesday. Dad fed her an In-N-Out burger for lunch.
When the doctor arrived last night, he confirmed that we were doing the right thing for her. And then...she died. We all cried. Maks felt weird about it and wondered when she was going to heaven. We explained that she was already in heaven but he told us we were silly because she was right there. We said a few words about our beautiful bear doll. After talking about it for a while it was time for Dad to bury her. We buried her where we can plant a red bud tree but will have to wait until spring to plant. We put some purple roses on her grave.
Good bye sweet Audry bear.
When the doctor arrived last night, he confirmed that we were doing the right thing for her. And then...she died. We all cried. Maks felt weird about it and wondered when she was going to heaven. We explained that she was already in heaven but he told us we were silly because she was right there. We said a few words about our beautiful bear doll. After talking about it for a while it was time for Dad to bury her. We buried her where we can plant a red bud tree but will have to wait until spring to plant. We put some purple roses on her grave.
Good bye sweet Audry bear.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Nice quote!
Well we got the call from Kindergarten. We knew it was coming! I got some great advice. I know perserverence (sp?)pays off.
Maksi is the sweetest, cutest boy around. I cannot describe how much our love has grown.
At Little Stripes, a discussion board focusing on traumatized children, I read the coolest quote:
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the little voice inside
of us that says, "I'll try again tomorrow".
We have had a wonderful evening with cousin Jonny and a sleepover. So much fun to be had! Steak, mashed potatoes and brownie sundaes. Yum! The boys are quietly playing with legos (at 9:30 pm!) and I am lovin it. The wonderful sounds of regulated play. I won't be stopping this anytime soon.
Maksi is the sweetest, cutest boy around. I cannot describe how much our love has grown.
At Little Stripes, a discussion board focusing on traumatized children, I read the coolest quote:
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the little voice inside
of us that says, "I'll try again tomorrow".
We have had a wonderful evening with cousin Jonny and a sleepover. So much fun to be had! Steak, mashed potatoes and brownie sundaes. Yum! The boys are quietly playing with legos (at 9:30 pm!) and I am lovin it. The wonderful sounds of regulated play. I won't be stopping this anytime soon.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Kindergarten
This week was Maks' first week of Kindergarten. I was so nervous on the night before that I couldn't sleep. I really wanted the first days to be successful so that his teacher would like him and then want to help him when issues arise.
I didn't go to the first day of meetings at my school and Dad took the day off so we could take him and help him feel comfortable and meet his teacher.
When we arrived another little boy and his mom were there. The parents introduced themselves then Maks walked up to the little boy and said, "Hi! My name is Maks. What is your name?" The boy said, "Michael." Then Maks said, "Want to be my best friend?" The parents melted when Michael said, "yes" and then the two of them went on to the playground and played. How friggin cute!
Minutes later Maks came back with soaking wet pants because he went down the slide with a big puddle at the bottom. I knew he'd have to change clothes - but within the first 10 minutes. Now, he didn't have a change of clothes in case of an accident!
After that we schmoozed with other parents and kids for a while then we got to take him into his amazing classroom.
The teacher had instructed us to help the students feel comfortable then find each students seats on the squares of the carpet. After a while of looking around and Maks becoming a bit concerned - "Where are all the cars?" he sat down on his square with his name on it and we left.
I stood outside peeking in from afar for a while to see how it was going and hoping nobody would notice me. He sat attentively, and raised his hand, and followed instructions. I was so proud and STILL nervous.
Dad and I waited on pins and needles until 12:45 when we could go pick him up. When we arrived he was excited to see us and tell us about his day. He had a successful potty day, too! I talked to his teacher for a while and told her a little bit about Maks and some of his challenges. She said he did fantastic.
Near the end of the week, Dad saw Ms. Turse again and she RAVED - raved - about Maks first week! She said he was the cutest little boy ever and she was so impressed that he had learned this much English in 2 years. She said he was friendly, helpful, polite and was doing awesome. She also reported an accident free first week.
Maks loves Kindergarten and his new best friend Micheal and especially Ms. Turse. He has asked me several time to make sure that he gets to see her again. In his prayers, he has added her to his list of people he is thankful for.
Dad and I are so happy for Maks' success this week. We are thankful for his amazing school, his teacher and principal. We found the right place for our handsome little bug. If issues arise we know that they will have Maks best interests in mind.
I am sooooooo happpyyyyy for Maks. I am sooo proud of him. What an amazing, spirited boy.
I didn't go to the first day of meetings at my school and Dad took the day off so we could take him and help him feel comfortable and meet his teacher.
When we arrived another little boy and his mom were there. The parents introduced themselves then Maks walked up to the little boy and said, "Hi! My name is Maks. What is your name?" The boy said, "Michael." Then Maks said, "Want to be my best friend?" The parents melted when Michael said, "yes" and then the two of them went on to the playground and played. How friggin cute!
Minutes later Maks came back with soaking wet pants because he went down the slide with a big puddle at the bottom. I knew he'd have to change clothes - but within the first 10 minutes. Now, he didn't have a change of clothes in case of an accident!
After that we schmoozed with other parents and kids for a while then we got to take him into his amazing classroom.
The teacher had instructed us to help the students feel comfortable then find each students seats on the squares of the carpet. After a while of looking around and Maks becoming a bit concerned - "Where are all the cars?" he sat down on his square with his name on it and we left.
I stood outside peeking in from afar for a while to see how it was going and hoping nobody would notice me. He sat attentively, and raised his hand, and followed instructions. I was so proud and STILL nervous.
Dad and I waited on pins and needles until 12:45 when we could go pick him up. When we arrived he was excited to see us and tell us about his day. He had a successful potty day, too! I talked to his teacher for a while and told her a little bit about Maks and some of his challenges. She said he did fantastic.
Near the end of the week, Dad saw Ms. Turse again and she RAVED - raved - about Maks first week! She said he was the cutest little boy ever and she was so impressed that he had learned this much English in 2 years. She said he was friendly, helpful, polite and was doing awesome. She also reported an accident free first week.
Maks loves Kindergarten and his new best friend Micheal and especially Ms. Turse. He has asked me several time to make sure that he gets to see her again. In his prayers, he has added her to his list of people he is thankful for.
Dad and I are so happy for Maks' success this week. We are thankful for his amazing school, his teacher and principal. We found the right place for our handsome little bug. If issues arise we know that they will have Maks best interests in mind.
I am sooooooo happpyyyyy for Maks. I am sooo proud of him. What an amazing, spirited boy.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Maks' First Overnighter
We went to Santa Cruz island for a couple of days. Dad did a little work setting some traps and diving up some cukes - but mostly we just played. We hiked on the island, kayaked, and even did some snorkeling. I was terrified of the water this time for some reason - but was still brave enough to swim after Dad coaxed me. We saw porpoise squalls, dolphin, seals, sea lions, sardine schools, barracuda, beautiful orange Garibaldi, an octopus (which we brought for a ride) and of course, cukes. The sunset on the first night was gorgeous - oohhh - the purples and oranges - my favorite colors.
The first times we tried to take Maks on the boat were too scary. He just didn't understand enough to be safe. This time was such a different story.
It was an amazing family bonding trip and we can't wait to do it again.
The first times we tried to take Maks on the boat were too scary. He just didn't understand enough to be safe. This time was such a different story.
It was an amazing family bonding trip and we can't wait to do it again.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Tahoe!
Our whole family spent the last week in Tahoe. 7 full days! All of my siblings and their children were there - plus Nana and Papa Jon. We (well most of us, anyway) had such a great time! Lots of food and drink! We are still recovering. :)
Friday, July 18, 2008
It's Amazing
After 2 years of Holding Time like this (of which I have no video), I am finally able to "scratch my son's back and read a book" as a commenter suggested the Pease family should be doing. Maybe the commenter did not adopt a child experiencing the trauma and anger such as our family (and I suspect the Pease family) has.
Don't Judge. Trust that we are doing everything we can to love and bring love into the hearts of these children. For some, holding time has proven invaluable.
My boy is wonderful, angry, sometimes dis-regulated (who isn't?), and loved.
The video (actually just audio) is a little quiet at first. I took it at night when we were getting ready for sleep.
Don't Judge. Trust that we are doing everything we can to love and bring love into the hearts of these children. For some, holding time has proven invaluable.
My boy is wonderful, angry, sometimes dis-regulated (who isn't?), and loved.
The video (actually just audio) is a little quiet at first. I took it at night when we were getting ready for sleep.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Reckless Behaviors
I am having trouble with Maks' reckless behavior. He is 5 years old but mentally acts like a 3 year old in some ways. I want him to have fun and go places. But I am thinking I might just need to keep him locked up in his room! LOL!
I was reading Lauri's blog about Livi getting lost in Walmart. We have the exact same issue! He just takes off.
Like yesterday at the water park. You have to park on a rural 2 lane highway and then walk into the water park. As we were getting out of the car (and as I always say) and told him to put his hand on the car and wait for me to get our stuff out. Well - I unlocked the back and reached in for the ice chest and looked up. Where was Maks? Oh...just 20 or 30 yards down the road inside the lane.
"Maks," I yell, "get back here!" He looks back at me AND then keeps going. I was so furious. He has no concept or concern for danger - even though I continually explain. So I run off down the road. He hears me and turns around and run toward me. I took his hand and took him back to his car seat. "Mom," he says, "your squeezing my hand too hard." Damn right!
Then I give him a lecture and try to calm myself down. Meanwhile, his cousins are watching. The older of the two decides to give me helpful hints at ways to keep Maks safe. "Maybe you should show him the Safety First DVD. It is not available in stores."
Anyway, I still took him to the water park. Maybe I just should have brought him home because later...
Nate, Jon, Maks and I were headed for the lazy river. The smaller two boys can touch the bottom, but they obviously need a parent with them. Jon asks me to help him with his goggles. I reach down and help him put them on, look up, and Maks has taken off and is in the middle of the river. I told Jon to stay put. Then it took me about 30 seconds to catch up to him. He just doesn't get it! So I pull him out at the next exit and get back to Jon (He is 6 and luckily listened to me and stayed put).
In both of these reckless behaviors - worst case scenario - death!! He doesn't have concern for his own safety!
I was reading Lauri's blog about Livi getting lost in Walmart. We have the exact same issue! He just takes off.
Like yesterday at the water park. You have to park on a rural 2 lane highway and then walk into the water park. As we were getting out of the car (and as I always say) and told him to put his hand on the car and wait for me to get our stuff out. Well - I unlocked the back and reached in for the ice chest and looked up. Where was Maks? Oh...just 20 or 30 yards down the road inside the lane.
"Maks," I yell, "get back here!" He looks back at me AND then keeps going. I was so furious. He has no concept or concern for danger - even though I continually explain. So I run off down the road. He hears me and turns around and run toward me. I took his hand and took him back to his car seat. "Mom," he says, "your squeezing my hand too hard." Damn right!
Then I give him a lecture and try to calm myself down. Meanwhile, his cousins are watching. The older of the two decides to give me helpful hints at ways to keep Maks safe. "Maybe you should show him the Safety First DVD. It is not available in stores."
Anyway, I still took him to the water park. Maybe I just should have brought him home because later...
Nate, Jon, Maks and I were headed for the lazy river. The smaller two boys can touch the bottom, but they obviously need a parent with them. Jon asks me to help him with his goggles. I reach down and help him put them on, look up, and Maks has taken off and is in the middle of the river. I told Jon to stay put. Then it took me about 30 seconds to catch up to him. He just doesn't get it! So I pull him out at the next exit and get back to Jon (He is 6 and luckily listened to me and stayed put).
In both of these reckless behaviors - worst case scenario - death!! He doesn't have concern for his own safety!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The last few months have been very busy. I never find the time to make a post. But I want to make at least some posts so that we all can them read later. So I found some time this morning.
The holidays were eventful and stressful for Maks. He didn't seem to enjoy it much. He also was very demanding and threw major tantrums.
This picture sums it up well.
Spring arrived and Maksim started feeling much better. He loves the beach. We always have a great time. He has been playing well with his cousins Jonny and Ireland and enjoying spending time with them.
He is so smart. He is learning to read and doing some pre-math even a bit of addition. We are working with an occupational therapist (self-pay) and he really likes playing on the equipment. We are also trying to work on helping Maks to understand his feelings and actions. I ask him about his feelings and help him recognize his feelings daily. I think it is helping him stay calm and have fun.
Here, I'll ask him how he feels now:
Maksim says that he feels mad. "I feel mad because I want to play webkinz on Mom's computer. Please. But Mom is using her computer. Sad. I don't like my computer. It is too slow." He is actually much better on a computer than his daddy! It is quite funny.
He loves to sit on my lap and snuggle. Especially if I want to do something like blog. Of course, his daddy is high on his list, too.
In January we went to a day conference presented by Heather Forbes. (She co-authored a book with Bryan Post about parenting traumatized children with love called Beyond Consequences...) Anyway it was really fantastic and I could relate to what she was saying easily. We have been using her techniques and getting some success. Her main point is that if we continually try to modify a traumatized child's behavior then we aren't addressing the root of it. She says to ask your self "What can I do in this moment to strengthen my relationship with my child." When I am feeling frustrated by Maks' (ignoring my words, doing the opposite of what I ask, playing destructively, or refusal to use the potty) I remember this question. 9 times out of 10, I can focus, look beyond the behavior and see what Maks really needs.
Maks needs unconditional love (this is hard for me - Of course I love him more than anything else - but when I am feeling upset at him I lose a bit of something. It is hard to explain. It is also quite scary to say out loud. So, anyway, just putting it out there), loving attention (even if the blog, schoolwork and housework doesn't get done), someone who will fight for the things he needs (even if it means changing doctors, fighting with doctors, paying for things he needs that should be covered by insurance) and ignoring when other kids and their parents seem to judge us.
It makes me realize more and more that Maks was sent to save me.
And did I mention, Maks needs love. Lots of love. He is not good at keeping friends because he is learning how to be a friend right now. Thank goodness for Jonny and Ireland. They are trying hard to look past when Maks isn't being very nice and try to show him how.
The other day, Maks came running up onto our front porch, tripped and landed right on the corner of a tiled step. It cut through his lip and through his gum right to his permanent tooth up in his gums. There was a lot of blood. He cried for about 30 seconds. Other kids I know would still be crying!! Hopefully the OT will help him with muscle tone so he is not quite so clumsy.
Anyhoo.... Spring brings new life.
Life is good. Life is a challenge. We love each other so much.
The holidays were eventful and stressful for Maks. He didn't seem to enjoy it much. He also was very demanding and threw major tantrums.
This picture sums it up well.
Spring arrived and Maksim started feeling much better. He loves the beach. We always have a great time. He has been playing well with his cousins Jonny and Ireland and enjoying spending time with them.
He is so smart. He is learning to read and doing some pre-math even a bit of addition. We are working with an occupational therapist (self-pay) and he really likes playing on the equipment. We are also trying to work on helping Maks to understand his feelings and actions. I ask him about his feelings and help him recognize his feelings daily. I think it is helping him stay calm and have fun.
Here, I'll ask him how he feels now:
Maksim says that he feels mad. "I feel mad because I want to play webkinz on Mom's computer. Please. But Mom is using her computer. Sad. I don't like my computer. It is too slow." He is actually much better on a computer than his daddy! It is quite funny.
He loves to sit on my lap and snuggle. Especially if I want to do something like blog. Of course, his daddy is high on his list, too.
In January we went to a day conference presented by Heather Forbes. (She co-authored a book with Bryan Post about parenting traumatized children with love called Beyond Consequences...) Anyway it was really fantastic and I could relate to what she was saying easily. We have been using her techniques and getting some success. Her main point is that if we continually try to modify a traumatized child's behavior then we aren't addressing the root of it. She says to ask your self "What can I do in this moment to strengthen my relationship with my child." When I am feeling frustrated by Maks' (ignoring my words, doing the opposite of what I ask, playing destructively, or refusal to use the potty) I remember this question. 9 times out of 10, I can focus, look beyond the behavior and see what Maks really needs.
Maks needs unconditional love (this is hard for me - Of course I love him more than anything else - but when I am feeling upset at him I lose a bit of something. It is hard to explain. It is also quite scary to say out loud. So, anyway, just putting it out there), loving attention (even if the blog, schoolwork and housework doesn't get done), someone who will fight for the things he needs (even if it means changing doctors, fighting with doctors, paying for things he needs that should be covered by insurance) and ignoring when other kids and their parents seem to judge us.
It makes me realize more and more that Maks was sent to save me.
And did I mention, Maks needs love. Lots of love. He is not good at keeping friends because he is learning how to be a friend right now. Thank goodness for Jonny and Ireland. They are trying hard to look past when Maks isn't being very nice and try to show him how.
The other day, Maks came running up onto our front porch, tripped and landed right on the corner of a tiled step. It cut through his lip and through his gum right to his permanent tooth up in his gums. There was a lot of blood. He cried for about 30 seconds. Other kids I know would still be crying!! Hopefully the OT will help him with muscle tone so he is not quite so clumsy.
Anyhoo.... Spring brings new life.
Life is good. Life is a challenge. We love each other so much.
Friday, November 16, 2007
California Special Education
I was just reading Lauri's blog and felt so happy that Livi gets to have the help she needs from the school district. But so sad that Maks did not qualify.
Reading her post made me so sure that Maks needs the help, too. Maks and Livi could be the same child (if they weren't different gender, age and living in different states!).
Lauri talked about Livi's scores. Maks scored similarly - except lower in areas.
Now, I do want to say that Maks scored well (above average to high) in cognitive, academic knowledge, and speech. But in everything else he was LOW. I mean really low. Like 1% - in adaptive behavior, fine motor, gross motor, sensory integration, etc. And he did NOT qualify. They told us "you are doing too good of a job with him." Are you f-ing kidding me!
We are so bummed. We know he needs the help. We need the help. His kindergarten teacher next year is going to need the help.
We are trying to find a way to get Maks's pediatrician to okay some Occupational Therapy. We are strapped (after the whole adopt from a foreign country expedition for 2.5 months). We'll see. Every other door has slammed shut - so we are not holding our breath.
Not to mention that they couldn't even get Maks to participate in many of the subtests. He would refuse. They said because he refused in a nice way that it was a plus. uuuuhhh. Are they stupid?
The testing really upset Maks, too. A couple of the psychologists observed Maks at his preschool. After they left, Maks told his teacher (matter of factly) that one of them was going to be his new Mom. And his behavior and attitude toward us since has been shaky. We are doing our best to get him to feel safe again - or should I say safer. I guess we are going to deal with attachment issues for a while longer.
We are going to request that the school re-assess Maksim. We just know that Maks needs a break.
And I am frustrated.
Reading her post made me so sure that Maks needs the help, too. Maks and Livi could be the same child (if they weren't different gender, age and living in different states!).
Lauri talked about Livi's scores. Maks scored similarly - except lower in areas.
Now, I do want to say that Maks scored well (above average to high) in cognitive, academic knowledge, and speech. But in everything else he was LOW. I mean really low. Like 1% - in adaptive behavior, fine motor, gross motor, sensory integration, etc. And he did NOT qualify. They told us "you are doing too good of a job with him." Are you f-ing kidding me!
We are so bummed. We know he needs the help. We need the help. His kindergarten teacher next year is going to need the help.
We are trying to find a way to get Maks's pediatrician to okay some Occupational Therapy. We are strapped (after the whole adopt from a foreign country expedition for 2.5 months). We'll see. Every other door has slammed shut - so we are not holding our breath.
Not to mention that they couldn't even get Maks to participate in many of the subtests. He would refuse. They said because he refused in a nice way that it was a plus. uuuuhhh. Are they stupid?
The testing really upset Maks, too. A couple of the psychologists observed Maks at his preschool. After they left, Maks told his teacher (matter of factly) that one of them was going to be his new Mom. And his behavior and attitude toward us since has been shaky. We are doing our best to get him to feel safe again - or should I say safer. I guess we are going to deal with attachment issues for a while longer.
We are going to request that the school re-assess Maksim. We just know that Maks needs a break.
And I am frustrated.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Pumpkin Patch
We love Halloween!
Maks, Mom and Dad went to the pumpkin patch. We had a great time playing with the wheel barrow, picking out pumpkins, and riding on the trailers behind the cool John Deere tractor. Then we went out for dinner. It was so much fun being together and enjoying our time out.
Yeah for Fall!
Maks, Mom and Dad went to the pumpkin patch. We had a great time playing with the wheel barrow, picking out pumpkins, and riding on the trailers behind the cool John Deere tractor. Then we went out for dinner. It was so much fun being together and enjoying our time out.
Yeah for Fall!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Maks, School, and Music
Maks loves music and loves to sing. I have been trying to capture one of his moments but he gets too interested in the camera. I found one that is pretty good. He is singing Virginia Creeper by Old Crow Medicine Show.
In other news, we finally got Maksim's school district to do some evaluation of Maks and his academic and social abilities. In California if you are under 3 there is a early intervention program that is easy to access. Since we got home when Maks was 3.5 years old he didn't qualify. After trying several options and hunting around California's Department of Education website, we discovered that the future elementary school is responsible for evaluations. Jason went to the Principal's office and they sent him away. I sent him back armed with the information from the website and they sent him away again with numbers of people to call. Well after about 8 months of phone calls and the run around, it turns out that the elementary school is responsible. So I called them and they tried to send me away again. This time, I sent them a letter asking for the evaluation in writing. Well that started a fire under them and we have had a student study team meeting and Maks has completed a couple of tests and has 3 more this week. Why don't they say we need the request in writing? Why does the request have to be in writing??
At the end of the evaluations, we will have another meeting and we will decide the best plan of attack. I am so glad that someone is finally taking us seriously. Maksim is really smart and he has learned 5 years of English in 1.5 years (according to the school's speech and language therapist) but he has sensory issues and other social delays. He needs help from someone with expertise in those areas.
We have been seeing a therapist in Santa Barbara. His name is Ryan and he is pretty cool. We visit him every week and we just play. He supports us and reassures us that we are doing good things with Maks. He has helped us work on less aggressive play. (Maks likes to bump and bonk cars into everything!) Apparently, kids out act how they feel inside with their toys and since he is hurting the toys, he is hurting himself. So for about 30 minutes a day (more or less depending) we sit and play with cars and take care of them (put bandaids on them, take them to the hospital, snuggle them) if they get bumped. It is really working. I thought it sounded kinda weird and psychobabbly but it has helped his play become gentler and really helped him feel love in his heart at other times, too.
Maks' Grandma is going to come live in Ventura again so that she can help us take care of Maks. We are so excited to have some help. We need time together as husband and wife to regroup and recoup and be ready to help Maks. With a Grandma to babysit and take care of him, he won't have to spend time in day care either(which really stinks in general and keeps him from becoming potty trained.) Yes, he is nearly five and wears diapers again, but that is another story.
So things are great around here. Maks is amazing, smart, funny and fits our family perfectly. We can't imagine life without him. What if we never found each other???
We went to Chinese food last night on a family date. Maks was so excited because we have been going on dates without him. When we got to read our fortunes, I read mine, then Jason read his, then Maks read his own: "When you are a racecar you have to drive real fast for the greens but stop for the red ones." What a crazy kid! We love him.
In other news, we finally got Maksim's school district to do some evaluation of Maks and his academic and social abilities. In California if you are under 3 there is a early intervention program that is easy to access. Since we got home when Maks was 3.5 years old he didn't qualify. After trying several options and hunting around California's Department of Education website, we discovered that the future elementary school is responsible for evaluations. Jason went to the Principal's office and they sent him away. I sent him back armed with the information from the website and they sent him away again with numbers of people to call. Well after about 8 months of phone calls and the run around, it turns out that the elementary school is responsible. So I called them and they tried to send me away again. This time, I sent them a letter asking for the evaluation in writing. Well that started a fire under them and we have had a student study team meeting and Maks has completed a couple of tests and has 3 more this week. Why don't they say we need the request in writing? Why does the request have to be in writing??
At the end of the evaluations, we will have another meeting and we will decide the best plan of attack. I am so glad that someone is finally taking us seriously. Maksim is really smart and he has learned 5 years of English in 1.5 years (according to the school's speech and language therapist) but he has sensory issues and other social delays. He needs help from someone with expertise in those areas.
We have been seeing a therapist in Santa Barbara. His name is Ryan and he is pretty cool. We visit him every week and we just play. He supports us and reassures us that we are doing good things with Maks. He has helped us work on less aggressive play. (Maks likes to bump and bonk cars into everything!) Apparently, kids out act how they feel inside with their toys and since he is hurting the toys, he is hurting himself. So for about 30 minutes a day (more or less depending) we sit and play with cars and take care of them (put bandaids on them, take them to the hospital, snuggle them) if they get bumped. It is really working. I thought it sounded kinda weird and psychobabbly but it has helped his play become gentler and really helped him feel love in his heart at other times, too.
Maks' Grandma is going to come live in Ventura again so that she can help us take care of Maks. We are so excited to have some help. We need time together as husband and wife to regroup and recoup and be ready to help Maks. With a Grandma to babysit and take care of him, he won't have to spend time in day care either(which really stinks in general and keeps him from becoming potty trained.) Yes, he is nearly five and wears diapers again, but that is another story.
So things are great around here. Maks is amazing, smart, funny and fits our family perfectly. We can't imagine life without him. What if we never found each other???
We went to Chinese food last night on a family date. Maks was so excited because we have been going on dates without him. When we got to read our fortunes, I read mine, then Jason read his, then Maks read his own: "When you are a racecar you have to drive real fast for the greens but stop for the red ones." What a crazy kid! We love him.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Summer
Maks and Mom have been spending a lot of time together. I think that it took him a while getting used to Mom being home with him all day (instead of Dad) and during July, I didn't take him to preschool at all. It has been so much fun and completely exhausting all in one. We are really getting close and love to be together.
Maks loves to exercise with his Mommy. We walk and swim and bike ride. He loves to give hugs and kisses to his mom.
We are going to Utah again to see Uncle Phil marry Auntie Sharon. We are all very excited. I even get to make the wedding cake. It will be my first real wedding cake so we'll see how it turns out. Mom and Dad even get to take 24 hours to be by themselves! Yeah! Nana is having a sleepover with Maks.
Ohh.. I almost forgot.. I also get to ride on an airplane that does weightless parabolas. I will get to log about 7 minutes of "weightlessness". I won't bore you of the details concerning the quotation marks. It will fly aboard G-Force One. This is an opportunity for science and math teachers around the country given by Northrop Grumman Foundations Weightless Flights of Discovery. We get to take experiments on board and they will video tape everything. I went to a workshop yesterday to begin preparations for the flight. I am really excited.
In other news.
Potty training is sooooo hard. I don't think that Maks can completely recognize what it feels like to need to go. Sometimes he can. I don't know. Most days he is successful until around 4 or 5 (as long as I am monitoring for his signals) then he does number 1 or 2, 2 or 3 times in a row right in his big-boy pants. He stays dry during naps and most of the time at night. But how many times can you wash all the underwear and shorts?? I have tried everything: Sticker charts, gummy bears (the vitamin kind), etc. The one technique I read about but haven't tried is putting him in a time-out chair every time there is an accident. Sounds a lot like punishment. He can't enroll in kindergarten (which he is technically old enough for) or for that matter pre-K (which requires potty trained kids) until he is trained. I've checked at many different schools. So where will my baby go when I have to start work on August 22?
Well....Just as Maks is getting settled in the summer routine... we'll change it on him again. :)
Maks loves to exercise with his Mommy. We walk and swim and bike ride. He loves to give hugs and kisses to his mom.
We are going to Utah again to see Uncle Phil marry Auntie Sharon. We are all very excited. I even get to make the wedding cake. It will be my first real wedding cake so we'll see how it turns out. Mom and Dad even get to take 24 hours to be by themselves! Yeah! Nana is having a sleepover with Maks.
Ohh.. I almost forgot.. I also get to ride on an airplane that does weightless parabolas. I will get to log about 7 minutes of "weightlessness". I won't bore you of the details concerning the quotation marks. It will fly aboard G-Force One. This is an opportunity for science and math teachers around the country given by Northrop Grumman Foundations Weightless Flights of Discovery. We get to take experiments on board and they will video tape everything. I went to a workshop yesterday to begin preparations for the flight. I am really excited.
In other news.
Potty training is sooooo hard. I don't think that Maks can completely recognize what it feels like to need to go. Sometimes he can. I don't know. Most days he is successful until around 4 or 5 (as long as I am monitoring for his signals) then he does number 1 or 2, 2 or 3 times in a row right in his big-boy pants. He stays dry during naps and most of the time at night. But how many times can you wash all the underwear and shorts?? I have tried everything: Sticker charts, gummy bears (the vitamin kind), etc. The one technique I read about but haven't tried is putting him in a time-out chair every time there is an accident. Sounds a lot like punishment. He can't enroll in kindergarten (which he is technically old enough for) or for that matter pre-K (which requires potty trained kids) until he is trained. I've checked at many different schools. So where will my baby go when I have to start work on August 22?
Well....Just as Maks is getting settled in the summer routine... we'll change it on him again. :)
Monday, July 09, 2007
Summer Fun and other things...
Our summer so far has been filled with trips to the beach, bike riding, and a Fourth of July trip to Utah WITHOUT Daddy! Yikes.
Maks and Mom have been having a wonderful time learning and playing together. He is so snuggly and sweet with me when we get so much time together. Well, except for the spitting. Yes, Maks decided it would be fun to spit big giant loogies on people when he feels frustrated in the last 2 weeks. Where does a child learn these things! Mom has had 5 or so, Dad has received a few. After cousin Zeke and Uncle Gregg got one each, Mom was furious.
We spend our mornings with two learning sessions. We are working on early math and fine motor skill development. We are definately making progress. He won't stay focused for more than about 5 minutes on each activity and not for longer than 30 minutes total. So we take a movie or computer game break in between. I typically do 2 sessions in the morning and find time for 1 more in the afternoon. I have no idea if this is too much or too little. I usually work with 14-18 year old academically gifted students in my physics classes.
Maks got a bike trailer - one of those bikes where it hooks on to the back of an adult bike to become a tandem. It has been so much fun. He loves it. When we were riding it the other day he shouts "Thanks Mom and Dad for my new bike! It is so much fun! Woohooo!" Yeah. Manners are developing. :)
He is making progress in toileting. We have been in big boy pants all week with just a few accidents. He was nearly trained a few months back and completely regressed. Now we are making progress again. He can't move on to pre-K next year unless he has no pull-ups. That is one of his goals.
We are getting used to each other and more comfortable and I have learned a few of his triggers to "freak out" time. First a definition of freak out - my husband calls it back brain. He starts seeking sensory input by chanting nonsense, spinning in circles, hitting, or flopping his body. He pretty much ignores anything you say and won't look at you. He acts aggressively towards his toys, nearby cousins, or mom and dad. It is difficult to get him back in thinking mode after one of these and something that has worked before won't necessarily work again. These used to get me really frustrated until the last few weeks. Since I have been able to spend more one on one time with him, I have noticed they occur in a particular situations. 1) loud, crowded places like lines (check-out, rides, amusement parks) or 2) when he needs to go to the bathroom or 3) when he is hungry.
If I remove him from the line, feed him, or try to get him to use the bathroom, he snaps out of it easily. Otherwise, it can turn into a 1 hour screaming fighting mess where I have to restrain him. He will start some Occupational Therapy soon to try to help him in this area. I have been trying a few techniques and they seem to help sometimes.
How can my sweet little snuggly polite boy turn into such a monster?? Hopefully he will learn his triggers and be able to calm himself down in the future. For now, I feel happy that I am learning how to cope.
I will end with a few pictures of the fun...
Monday, May 28, 2007
Attachment
Attachment is the buzz word in our home. Even though it has been a year, we are still struggling with attachment and all the behaviors that come with it.
I just read a fantastic book regarding attachment and thought I would share.
Facilitating developmental attachment: the road to emotional recovery and behavioral change in foster and adopted children by Daniel M. Hughes. Hughes is the same author who writes about Katie in his Building the bonds of attachment: Awakening love in deeply troubled children.
Both books are a great mix of theory, vignettes, and practical advice. They have reminded our family of the most important word: empathy.
Empathy is hard. Empathy is the most important thing for me to work on. It is easy enough when Maks is sad or happy or a little angry. But when Maks feels persistently angry... it tends to make me feel angry, too.
I have been trying some of Dr. Hughes techniques, trying not to personalize any behaviors and it is really helping me stay empathetic during the angries. For any adoptive moms out there having some trouble with your babies ... read these books!
Sunday, May 13, 2007
What a year!
Family Day (our one year anniversary) came and went - it was on April 19th. We had a great time riding bikes together and making dinner and dessert. But then...
Then AP Exam time came (the college physics course I teach has a test the students must pass if they are to earn the college credit) and all hell broke loose. After working an additional 10 hours each week to prepare my students for the exams, my house fell apart. The floors weren't vacuumed nor mopped, the bathroom was getting...smelly and there was a pile of laundry the size of tommorrow. Then I was PMS-ing and everything exploded.
Perhaps Maks could feel my stress because he freaked out and completely regressed in his toileting and some old behaviors from Almaty came back. He is a strong willed one.
That was the straw that broke Momma's back. I couldn't take anymore! I really didn't want to take anymore. Why had we decided to make our lives so difficult. I cried for 24 hours. How do moms that work outside of the home do it?? It has been so stressful and difficult and there aren't enough hours in the day to be the best at all of my jobs. Why do I want to be the best anyway???
Well...that was a week ago and I am feeling better (thank you harmones) and life is getting back to normal.
I know that it is all worth it. I hope that it is all worth it.
Before
After
Then AP Exam time came (the college physics course I teach has a test the students must pass if they are to earn the college credit) and all hell broke loose. After working an additional 10 hours each week to prepare my students for the exams, my house fell apart. The floors weren't vacuumed nor mopped, the bathroom was getting...smelly and there was a pile of laundry the size of tommorrow. Then I was PMS-ing and everything exploded.
Perhaps Maks could feel my stress because he freaked out and completely regressed in his toileting and some old behaviors from Almaty came back. He is a strong willed one.
That was the straw that broke Momma's back. I couldn't take anymore! I really didn't want to take anymore. Why had we decided to make our lives so difficult. I cried for 24 hours. How do moms that work outside of the home do it?? It has been so stressful and difficult and there aren't enough hours in the day to be the best at all of my jobs. Why do I want to be the best anyway???
Well...that was a week ago and I am feeling better (thank you harmones) and life is getting back to normal.
I know that it is all worth it. I hope that it is all worth it.
Before
After
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Maks the Seal
I meant to put this picture on the last post (rather than the duplicate). So I'll just add it here.
Maks the Seal!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Maks' First Camping Trip
We had so much fun this past week with Mom off of school for spring break. We went on a 4 day camping trip to Faria Beach. We got three campsites and friends and family were there. Even Nana and Papa Jon were there to "camp". Actually they stayed in a hotel nearby and would come for food and hanging out.
Maks did an amazing job! We felt his heart healing! Even though on the first night he said he wanted his "other home" he decided we could all sleep in the tent. He loved it. In the morning he would snuggle us both and ask us to tell him stories. Lately, our stories have been about him and the daily or weekly events. He wants to hear them over and over. He gets so calm and has great eye contact while we tell them.
He loved hanging out with Jonny, playing with his beach truck, watching Mom and Dad surf, climbing the rocks, and playing music with his band.
We were a little nervous to go. Sometimes Maks cannot handle all of the excitement. But it was the best trip ever!
Maks did an amazing job! We felt his heart healing! Even though on the first night he said he wanted his "other home" he decided we could all sleep in the tent. He loved it. In the morning he would snuggle us both and ask us to tell him stories. Lately, our stories have been about him and the daily or weekly events. He wants to hear them over and over. He gets so calm and has great eye contact while we tell them.
He loved hanging out with Jonny, playing with his beach truck, watching Mom and Dad surf, climbing the rocks, and playing music with his band.
We were a little nervous to go. Sometimes Maks cannot handle all of the excitement. But it was the best trip ever!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Sasha came home!
An acquatiance of ours, who lives in Santa Barbara, just came home with her new daughter Sasha. We met shortly before Jason and I traveled to Kaz.
I told Maks about them today and how they adopted Sasha and brought her home from Kazakhstan. He was so adorable when he was talking about it. I will quote the old sage.
With an extremely happy face and in somewhat of disbelief he said, "She will not be sad. She will not cry. She has a mommy and daddy."
I asked him if he wanted to meet her and he emphatically agreed. Then I asked what he would tell her when he saw her and he said, "we love you love you very very much."
Something has really clicked in Maks. I am so glad that he is starting to piece together the complicated beginning in his life. He remembers the sadness and that makes me cry. He knows the love and that makes my cry. What... have I turned into an old lady?
No. I am attaching to my son.
I told Maks about them today and how they adopted Sasha and brought her home from Kazakhstan. He was so adorable when he was talking about it. I will quote the old sage.
With an extremely happy face and in somewhat of disbelief he said, "She will not be sad. She will not cry. She has a mommy and daddy."
I asked him if he wanted to meet her and he emphatically agreed. Then I asked what he would tell her when he saw her and he said, "we love you love you very very much."
Something has really clicked in Maks. I am so glad that he is starting to piece together the complicated beginning in his life. He remembers the sadness and that makes me cry. He knows the love and that makes my cry. What... have I turned into an old lady?
No. I am attaching to my son.
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