I am having trouble with Maks' reckless behavior. He is 5 years old but mentally acts like a 3 year old in some ways. I want him to have fun and go places. But I am thinking I might just need to keep him locked up in his room! LOL!
I was reading Lauri's blog about Livi getting lost in Walmart. We have the exact same issue! He just takes off.
Like yesterday at the water park. You have to park on a rural 2 lane highway and then walk into the water park. As we were getting out of the car (and as I always say) and told him to put his hand on the car and wait for me to get our stuff out. Well - I unlocked the back and reached in for the ice chest and looked up. Where was Maks? Oh...just 20 or 30 yards down the road inside the lane.
"Maks," I yell, "get back here!" He looks back at me AND then keeps going. I was so furious. He has no concept or concern for danger - even though I continually explain. So I run off down the road. He hears me and turns around and run toward me. I took his hand and took him back to his car seat. "Mom," he says, "your squeezing my hand too hard." Damn right!
Then I give him a lecture and try to calm myself down. Meanwhile, his cousins are watching. The older of the two decides to give me helpful hints at ways to keep Maks safe. "Maybe you should show him the Safety First DVD. It is not available in stores."
Anyway, I still took him to the water park. Maybe I just should have brought him home because later...
Nate, Jon, Maks and I were headed for the lazy river. The smaller two boys can touch the bottom, but they obviously need a parent with them. Jon asks me to help him with his goggles. I reach down and help him put them on, look up, and Maks has taken off and is in the middle of the river. I told Jon to stay put. Then it took me about 30 seconds to catch up to him. He just doesn't get it! So I pull him out at the next exit and get back to Jon (He is 6 and luckily listened to me and stayed put).
In both of these reckless behaviors - worst case scenario - death!! He doesn't have concern for his own safety!
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2 comments:
We have that same " hands on car routine"- that usually works wonders for me in parking lots, but like Mak's, my girl is fast.
Hello. I'm a fellow adoptive mom to Ukrainian kids -- two brothers from western Ukraine adopted in March 2005 at ages 3.5 and 5.25.
We had similar issues with car safety and general running off, often in what were dangerous circumstances. With leaving the car without permission, we would put the child safety lock (that setting on the door) back on, so whichever kid was the culprit would be stuck in the car until he earned back his privileges to get out on his own. We were extremely consistent with this: Get out and do what you're supposed to, and you keep that privilege; do something unsafe or something we asked you not to do or you know you're not supposed to do, and you lose that privilege. It took our older son (the one with more behaviour problems) about 5 times of losing his privilege to get out on his own terms, and then we never had another problem (in that area!).
For general running off, doing that results in having to hold the adult's hand for the remainder of whatever outing, which often leads to missing out on various fun associated with greater freedom. Again, this has taken our older son much more practice with than our younger son, but both have become almost 100% reliable about sticking around me/unless they have received permission to roam.
We feel that extreme consistency has been very important -- especially for our older son, who seems to need a "feedback" (either good or bad) in response to every single act he makes. It is like his brain had to learn that a consequence, whether good or bad, follows from every single choice he makes. He is now 8.5 and still struggles with some of his behavioural choices, but he is world's better than he was two years ago, and we generally don't feel like we have to be so hyper vigilant the way we once did.
Good luck to you. Maks is beautiful boy!
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