The holidays were eventful and stressful for Maks. He didn't seem to enjoy it much. He also was very demanding and threw major tantrums.
This picture sums it up well.
Spring arrived and Maksim started feeling much better. He loves the beach. We always have a great time. He has been playing well with his cousins Jonny and Ireland and enjoying spending time with them.
He is so smart. He is learning to read and doing some pre-math even a bit of addition. We are working with an occupational therapist (self-pay) and he really likes playing on the equipment. We are also trying to work on helping Maks to understand his feelings and actions. I ask him about his feelings and help him recognize his feelings daily. I think it is helping him stay calm and have fun.
Here, I'll ask him how he feels now:
Maksim says that he feels mad. "I feel mad because I want to play webkinz on Mom's computer. Please. But Mom is using her computer. Sad. I don't like my computer. It is too slow." He is actually much better on a computer than his daddy! It is quite funny.
He loves to sit on my lap and snuggle. Especially if I want to do something like blog. Of course, his daddy is high on his list, too.
In January we went to a day conference presented by Heather Forbes. (She co-authored a book with Bryan Post about parenting traumatized children with love called Beyond Consequences...) Anyway it was really fantastic and I could relate to what she was saying easily. We have been using her techniques and getting some success. Her main point is that if we continually try to modify a traumatized child's behavior then we aren't addressing the root of it. She says to ask your self "What can I do in this moment to strengthen my relationship with my child." When I am feeling frustrated by Maks' (ignoring my words, doing the opposite of what I ask, playing destructively, or refusal to use the potty) I remember this question. 9 times out of 10, I can focus, look beyond the behavior and see what Maks really needs.
Maks needs unconditional love (this is hard for me - Of course I love him more than anything else - but when I am feeling upset at him I lose a bit of something. It is hard to explain. It is also quite scary to say out loud. So, anyway, just putting it out there), loving attention (even if the blog, schoolwork and housework doesn't get done), someone who will fight for the things he needs (even if it means changing doctors, fighting with doctors, paying for things he needs that should be covered by insurance) and ignoring when other kids and their parents seem to judge us.
It makes me realize more and more that Maks was sent to save me.
And did I mention, Maks needs love. Lots of love. He is not good at keeping friends because he is learning how to be a friend right now. Thank goodness for Jonny and Ireland. They are trying hard to look past when Maks isn't being very nice and try to show him how.
The other day, Maks came running up onto our front porch, tripped and landed right on the corner of a tiled step. It cut through his lip and through his gum right to his permanent tooth up in his gums. There was a lot of blood. He cried for about 30 seconds. Other kids I know would still be crying!! Hopefully the OT will help him with muscle tone so he is not quite so clumsy.
Anyhoo.... Spring brings new life.
Life is good. Life is a challenge. We love each other so much.
