Attachment

Attachment is the buzz word in our home. Even though it has been a year, we are still struggling with attachment and all the behaviors that come with it.

I just read a fantastic book regarding attachment and thought I would share.

Facilitating developmental attachment: the road to emotional recovery and behavioral change in foster and adopted children by Daniel M. Hughes. Hughes is the same author who writes about Katie in his Building the bonds of attachment: Awakening love in deeply troubled children.

Both books are a great mix of theory, vignettes, and practical advice. They have reminded our family of the most important word: empathy.

Empathy is hard. Empathy is the most important thing for me to work on. It is easy enough when Maks is sad or happy or a little angry. But when Maks feels persistently angry... it tends to make me feel angry, too.

I have been trying some of Dr. Hughes techniques, trying not to personalize any behaviors and it is really helping me stay empathetic during the angries. For any adoptive moms out there having some trouble with your babies ... read these books!

What a year!

Family Day (our one year anniversary) came and went - it was on April 19th. We had a great time riding bikes together and making dinner and dessert. But then...

Then AP Exam time came (the college physics course I teach has a test the students must pass if they are to earn the college credit) and all hell broke loose. After working an additional 10 hours each week to prepare my students for the exams, my house fell apart. The floors weren't vacuumed nor mopped, the bathroom was getting...smelly and there was a pile of laundry the size of tommorrow. Then I was PMS-ing and everything exploded.

Perhaps Maks could feel my stress because he freaked out and completely regressed in his toileting and some old behaviors from Almaty came back. He is a strong willed one.

That was the straw that broke Momma's back. I couldn't take anymore! I really didn't want to take anymore. Why had we decided to make our lives so difficult. I cried for 24 hours. How do moms that work outside of the home do it?? It has been so stressful and difficult and there aren't enough hours in the day to be the best at all of my jobs. Why do I want to be the best anyway???

Well...that was a week ago and I am feeling better (thank you harmones) and life is getting back to normal.

I know that it is all worth it. I hope that it is all worth it.

Before


After

Maks the Seal

I meant to put this picture on the last post (rather than the duplicate). So I'll just add it here.

Maks the Seal!

Maks' First Camping Trip

We had so much fun this past week with Mom off of school for spring break. We went on a 4 day camping trip to Faria Beach. We got three campsites and friends and family were there. Even Nana and Papa Jon were there to "camp". Actually they stayed in a hotel nearby and would come for food and hanging out.

Maks did an amazing job! We felt his heart healing! Even though on the first night he said he wanted his "other home" he decided we could all sleep in the tent. He loved it. In the morning he would snuggle us both and ask us to tell him stories. Lately, our stories have been about him and the daily or weekly events. He wants to hear them over and over. He gets so calm and has great eye contact while we tell them.

He loved hanging out with Jonny, playing with his beach truck, watching Mom and Dad surf, climbing the rocks, and playing music with his band.









We were a little nervous to go. Sometimes Maks cannot handle all of the excitement. But it was the best trip ever!

Sasha came home!

An acquatiance of ours, who lives in Santa Barbara, just came home with her new daughter Sasha. We met shortly before Jason and I traveled to Kaz.

I told Maks about them today and how they adopted Sasha and brought her home from Kazakhstan. He was so adorable when he was talking about it. I will quote the old sage.

With an extremely happy face and in somewhat of disbelief he said, "She will not be sad. She will not cry. She has a mommy and daddy."

I asked him if he wanted to meet her and he emphatically agreed. Then I asked what he would tell her when he saw her and he said, "we love you love you very very much."

Something has really clicked in Maks. I am so glad that he is starting to piece together the complicated beginning in his life. He remembers the sadness and that makes me cry. He knows the love and that makes my cry. What... have I turned into an old lady?

No. I am attaching to my son.

Uacamolieeee

Today has been a good day. Maks was so patient on his commute to Santa Barbara for school. He played with Dad and watched Ice Age. He had a hard time waiting for dinner, though. It was his favorite: enchiladas and guacamole.

At dinner it was Dad's turn to pray first. Maks was so excited and couldn't wait for his turn. When it was finally his turn he said, "I was lost at the grouppa for a long time. Thank you for my daddy and my mom." ...pause... "Oh Oh Oh and spiderman cup, enchilalas and uacamolieee"

We were absolutely floored.

I was just pressing publish and Maks came in to give a kiss and say goodnight. It's Dad's turn for books, brush teeth and bed. "I am going to stay with mom foreehhver."

Seriously. I have never heard such beautiful words. It is great to hear them from Maks.

One Year Ago

One year ago today, we met Maksim in the orphanage directors office in Ust-Kamenogorsk. The video above was taken about 1 minute after he was brought into the room. It felt like we were meeting a rockstar. Everything went into slow motion. He was so trusting. He communicated with us fairly easily. Mostly he was interested in his toys. And none of that has really changed!

In the past year, he has gained 10 pounds and grown 5 inches and his English skills are amazing. Sometimes we just laugh at the funny things ways he phrases things.

We have our challenges of course. His attachment difficulties are very hard to deal with somedays. It is hard for Mom to give all her love and hard work and then be pushed away at strange moments. Dad is amazed at how far he has come from how he was at the beginning. We had days when we worried if we would be able to calm our boy. We had days when we worried if Maks would accept the love we have for him.

But being Maksim's Mom and Dad is getting easier and much more enjoyable now. Most days are filled with laughter and silliness. The progress we have made gives us hope for the kind, sweet, and smart boy we know Maks is growing into. He has all but stopped rocking himself, he asks for hugs and kisses and cozy cozy snuggles all the time, he isn't as superficially charming with strangers and especially women, he loves to be together as a family hiking, walking and biking. He never turns down listening to Blue Grass music, going to the beach with his cousings or reading books. He is also doing awesome at his preschool and likes to help others and is very polite.

We always ask him "How do you suppose out of all the boys in the whole wide world, we got the very best one?!" He loves to hear that. We love that we got the best boy.

He fits in our family perfectly and we cannot imagine life without him!

We love you, Maks.

The video below is our boy, now. I took the video sideways and haven't figured out how to turn it, yet because I am not smart enough. I will work on it.

Lost camera

Oh yeah... we lost (actually - we don't think it passed the float test) our camera and so didn't feel like only posting words. We finally have a replacement. :)

Finally an update!

Life has been crazy around the Woods household. Maksim is growing and learning and loving his new life. It has been an adjustment for us and our work schedules - but it is amazing. Our love for each other grows everyday. He is so precious and we can't imagine life without him.

My favorite time is bed time. He loves to just sit and snuggle or sway in our arms to music of all kinds. Christmas music is his favorite right now. He loves the tree and Christmas lights, too. (Of course) We have learned that Maks is musical, ACTIVE, intelligent, and into trucks, trains, and airplanes. In fact, for Christmas he has asked Santa Claus for a skid steer. "Not a push the button small one, a REAL one!" Not sure Santa can afford such a gift.

Here are a few pics.

Bedtime??

Kolbe and Maks dancing at a party

Cutie Pie!

Cousins!

Uncle Gregg and Auntie Sunshine came down from Utah for a summer vacation with Zeke and Jeremiah. With Aunite Elizabeth and her family, we had quite the party going! We BBQ'ed a prime rib, went on a fishing trip and to Magic Mountain, and played in the water. Maksim had his first sleepover when all the kids spent the night in the tent in the backyard. Two boys ended up sleeping inside on the floor instead. All weekend, he kept yelling "Fun!" over and over. What a silly, cute and wonderful boy.



All that excitement did kinda freak him out a bit. He couldn't go to sleep the night after going to his first theme park. And boy, was mom ready for bed. It was a great amount of excitement. Maksim got overwhelmed a couple of times but well within toddler limits - but he did AWESOME! Here are a few pictures of all the fun.

Maks loved the big furry characters walking around - especially Sylvester. He wanted to pet him. I think he thought he was a real kitty-kat.


That was right before he bolted off down the sidewalk with Jeremiah. It took Mom about 1 minute to finally catch him. A nice man jumped in front of Maks and held up his hands to stop. The natural consequence for running away from Mama and Papa is a little strict, don't you think?? Yikes!

Maksim wanted to ride on the Tweety Bird spin you around make you kick thing. So we put him in the cage. He wasn't thrilled and Papa ended up in the cage, too.

Finger Painting

Uncle Dave and Ireland
Pine Cones.

Mama and Papa sure love their little guy. He is the most amazing thing ever.

Family!

In the last month, we have celebrated Father's day, went hiking, Mama got done with school and we played with the cousins and had a wonderful time being a family. We seem to take 3 giant leaps (weeks) forward then have 1 step back (a bad week). But we couldn't be happier unless we had a little more sleep. : ) Here are some pictures of the fun!

Maksim's favorite new word...
Family!!
or.. Cousins!
or.. Auntie Elizabeth!
Growing Boy
Maks the photographer
Baking Brownies for Papa
An Airplane! America!
Slip and Slide with Nate and Jonny

Our successes: Maksim's English skills are amazing. He has picked things up so quickly. He knows the whole alphabet and even what sounds each letter makes. His favorite thing is to read signs. For the last month, Maks wouldn't say anything in Russian. This week he suddenly started singing all of these songs. There is a really cute one about Kazakhstan. We have videotaped the ones that he'll let us. (Stinker!) He is learning to color and hold his fork, crayon with his fingers. He is snuggling us, looking to us for comfort AND letting us comfort him. We think that he is learning to trust us. It seems to take longer than we thought it would- but thinking that we have only known him since February 20th and only have had custody since March 29th - he is doing amazingly well. He loves his family and gets very worried when one of them is sick or hurt or leaving.

Our challenges: Maksim likes to be the boss. He wants to decide everything and when he can't (of course) he has a tantrum. His tantrums run from the very mild "no, no, no do I like it, " with head tilt. Then we have the full blown screaming, kicking, "NO, NO DO I LIKE IT." Kinda fun. : ) Maks tests the boundaries A LOT. He likes to try the dangerous stuff to see our reaction - I guess. There are also some days when he just can't seem to be comfortable. It is kinda like it is hard for him to breathe - although medically, he is healthy. He likes to be chased - and that is quite a difficult one when it is time to do something.

But Maksim is wonderful, funny, smart and quite the charmer. Everyone eats him up! They are so impressed by his communication skills. He talks to everyone at the store, in line, on walks, and any place else. If they only knew he had been speaking English for only about 4 months! We know that his willingness to talk to everyone means that his attachment is shaky. But we know with love and consistency our family is getting stronger each day.

Mother's Day

It has been a wonderful and difficult last two weeks. How do working moms (and/or dads) do it! It is so hard to leave Maksim everyday. I wish that I could be with him every moment. Today we had a BBQ and even roasted marshmallows for smores by the fire.
A definate hit. We having been laying low and giving Maksim a chance to bond to his parents. It is hard to limit contact with our friends and outings. But we know that for Maksim it is best for his progress and attachment.

Maksim is learning English soooooo fast. We are amazed by his progress. Mostly, he speaks in phrases and uses them in interesting ways. "Shut the door" works for a variety of situations. We are glad that we are able to understand what he means. :) He is learning his boundaries fairly well and loves the river, going for walks, ice cream pine cones, ride on machinas,
all different foods, Elmo (eeooow- I don't love Elmo), tickling, chasing, dancing to Bluegrass (yeah!) and books. He doesn't like when something he likes is over. We are making progress on accepting "the end" of things.

"Neee-yet the end"
"Yes, Maksim, the end."

Our dog is doing okay. But today is her 9th birthday and she is feeling a little like the ugly red-headed step child. She has many of her old priviledges but some our our attention is directed toward her little brother. And boy are little brothers annoying. Sometimes she cries at us when he is finally asleep and we are all snuggling in our room like we did before HIM. Poor baby. We do love that girl.

Well, Happy Mother's Day to all of you Mother's and waiting Mother's out there. Good thing that there is a Father's Day. Papa needs his props. We are especially thankful for him and the hard work he does, too.

Doing Great!

Mom started back at work. It has been quite the change to our schedule. Maksim has been a little upset by it, but it is necessary and so we are all trying our best.

I just wanted to share a couple pics.

Maksim's first ice cream cone was a hit. He called it an ice cream pine cone. For those who don't know, Ice Age is Maksim favorite (and only) thing on TV. He loves it and quotes it all the time. There is a part where Sid the sloth feeds pine cones to the Rhinos. Pine cones have become quite the cool item in our house.

Pine Cone!!!

Momma's turn
Pine Cones are GOOOOODDDDD!!!


Tooo Funny! Who knew kids where this f...ing cute!!!