A little venting so : P

The Sapp's returned home and as promised, they sent more pictures of our rapidly growing boy. They are too fabulous. I was worried that Maks was getting so big. The new pictures make him seem like a little boy still. I can't wait to get my arms around him.

Why is this adoption thing so f...ing difficult! Every adoptive parent says the same thing but I am really starting to lose it. Ask my dad, he'll tell you. I have some pyscho blah blah blah. He's right you know! And so the f... what. I feel nauseous (how do you spell that) all the time. Food doesn't taste, look or smell good. Well - except for sushi. MMMM Hawaiian Volcano Roll. So I should be losing weight, right. No.. I am gaining. It is alright if I go crazy! I am an expectant mother. You try to carry a 22 month old baby until he is over 3!!!!!! That's over 20 pounds.

My husband thinks I have lost it. He doesn't even like me anymore. I am not really the same person, anyway. Deal with it!! I am a pregnant woman who is 3 months late. Yeah that's right. 3 months late. Really, I am 6 months late, but who's counting?? A warning: Don't you dare ever tell me " atleast you won't have to go through labor!" You'll draw back a nub. LOL

Not only did I not get to pick up my baby, but I lost my job (temporarily I think), my ability to workout (knee surgery) and my appetite. My hands are sore, I have huge bruises on my legs, and stinging cuts on my thumb and fingers. Fish trapping is not for 120 pound, pencil pushing, female physics nerds. I have a perma-sunburnt chin and upper lip. Yes - I have been wearing sunblock. And my son's room sits empty, still.

I am not getting a Christmas tree. I did not put up any lights. I am not buying any presents - can't afford it. Our adoption costs are around $17K and we haven't given the orphanage donation or traveled.

Some days I wonder what the f... I am doing.

I am becoming a mother.